crunkalucioius

I sit here barky abke to type because my hea dis spinning.

i am drunkt to the point where i am sitting on my bed not sure if i gonna pass out or puke some really distinctive colors. oh well, jhaopuy birthday to the not bery sober me.

at least im drinking water like a fish- wait- thats the way i described my alcohol drinking a couple hours ago.

i also think leetters on the keyboard are getting closet and closer togethjeer- it must be one of the laws of phyciscs- the drunker you get the closer the keyboard leytters get.

i notice two things right away. ... one- i am wearing goucho pants but no unerwear. is this a minor detail i overlooked or is it time to do launry again
/?

two- my llips feel kinda numb. oh and three0 this is a testimony to my blogging dedication/addiction. I am trahded on my birthday and the first think i think abiout is writing abou tit inb my blog.

is this my pillow o r my dirsty laundry from three weeks ago?- oh weell its soft. im going to zonk out now.

happy birthday to me.

Live as if you were an Epic hero, and you become one

Loyola Beach- where one can find Chicago's old men in thongs- population

Budget is the BEST and I proudly kept them in business.

Every year since I was a freshman in college, I feel like I have undergone dramatic changes. I remember each birthday since then, looking back at the previous year and thinking how quickly everything becomes so different. My environment, relationships, activities, roles, the way and confidence with which I interact with the world around me are all unrecognizable from the way they were each previous year.

Some things, no matter how many birthdays pass, will always stay the same.

The "how do we get out of buying a birthday present without being uncaring parents" game:
Dad: so its your birthday tomorrow, huh? What do you want for your birthday?
Me: oh, you mean I'm not too old for presents? Nah, I don't need anything.
Mom: Wow, you're already 22- this is your lucky year!
I test out the waters
Me: I have been kinda looking at bicycles....
Dad, [looking truly puzzled]: Why would you want a bicycle?
Mom: You can have Diane's old bicycle
Me: the blue one that's five years old that scrapes your knees on the handle bars?
Mom: its not that bad, Diane rode it the other day....
Me: but isn't it really short and don't the gears not work?
Mom: it worked for Diane
Dad: I can make the seat a little higher. You don't need gears- you're a strong runner.
Me: It's ok, I really don't need anything

Another gift bites the dust.....

Park it right there...yeah!

This year my birthday was full of surprises and excitement. Last year my birthday was just weird. I turned 21 and wasn't NOT going to go out...even though all my friends/roomates either had other plans- it WAS a school night- or just weren't the clubbing type and wouldn't make a one time exception.

With the determination to shake my booty and get plastered at a club (respectable, I know), I grabbed the El to a bar near a semi-rival college where I didn't know anyone. I chose this location because my downstairs musician neighbor's band was playing cover that night. I waited outside the bar until it was 11:30... I was nerdy and kinda nervous as I flashed my ID to the bouncer. He let me in even though I had a good 30 mintues until I was officially 21.

At first it was awkward because I was alone in a bar. I was kinda depressed about that but wasn't going to let it get in the way of what could possibly be a wild, CRUNK night. I get near the stage and start to dance- this is my element- what was I worred about?

A guy approaches me tells me his friend has been eyeing me since I came in. Ok, cheesy but wtf- at this point I have nothing to lose. I end up never having to buy a drink the whole night. The guy I'm with doesn't believe its my birthday. "Where are your friends then?" he asks, "Are you just saying that to get free drinks? It doesn't matter, you're funny".

At the close of the bar, I'm trashed. He offers to drive me home. I say yes and get in his car. He doesn't go north, he goes west- clearly NOT to Roger's Park, where I live. He takes me to his place instead. Im very worried. I was so stupid to get in his car! What was I doing? Where was I going?

He takes me to his suburban apartment 20 minutes out of Chicago. He has girly decorations at his place and I obnoxioiusly make fun of them. He explains that he just got his heart broken by his ex-wife, who demanded a divorce. I felt kinda bad. BUT, I felt worse for myself. Not only was this guy divorced, but he was 28... thus clearly NOT the college student I thought he was.

We watched movies for a while but I eventually made him sleep on the couch- either he was going to or I was. He drove me home the next morning and I gave him my number when he asked for it. I was glad to be back. Things turned out weird- but I definately found humor in it.

I didn't feel so great about ignoring his three messages on my phone.

This story ultimately comes down to my philosophy on life. You gotta be bold sometimes and do things just for the sake of being able to say you did them. For me, life has two purposes.

1) Its about how you treat other people- what is life if it isnt about how well we treat each other?
2) Its about collecting adventures- you have to be spontaneous. The life well-lived is the life that has something amusing to tell others.

My purpose #2 causes me to do things I would often never expect a normal person to do. But has resulted in the most smiles and laughs.

Sometime these conflict- for example, me not calling mr. divorced back- but I like to think it was best for everyone....

Country girl meets City

Initial highlighting job at Cheap Cuts....$35

Ice cream and peanut butter to ease your crying over the aweful highlighting job.....$8

Hair repair at the chic and pampering Gene Juarez salon (where they take you to a dressing room just so you can put on a clothes guard, and offer you beverages through each step of the hair process)... $115

Getting your now hideous hair back to a state of decency......priceless

Destiny Fulfilled

In the unfolding of just one night, my purpose on earth was fulfilled.

This Friday evening started out like any other. I get off work and meet up with my boyfriend. We sit in my van (the physical focal point of our relationship since neither of us has our own place) until my boyfriend casually suggests he is hungry and that we go to Tony's pizza.

We get to Tony's and BF walks right in like he owns the place- clearly not waiting to be seated. Christy is slightly confused (This is the point in the narrative where I begin to talk in the third person for no good reason). We head to a table and Christy sees that some of their friends are there all seated at a table. BF doesnt seem surprised as we greet each other and join their table as if this was a long standing plan. Christy (who can be kinda slow) begins to wonder if she is missing something or simply going crazy- her confusion boils but no one seems to offer an explanation.

Until- someone says "Oh, happy birthday". Mental click- it all falls into place. Christy self-justifies her confusion by remembering that her birthday is still a good four days away- there is no way she should have seen this coming.

After dinner we all say goodbye- that was sweet of BF to arrange! Driving away, BF tells Christy to pull into a side parking lot. Christy (a dull bulb cannot become bright overnight) dons her confusion once more. The same friends are there waiting for us- we go inside a small bar int he corner of a motel lounge.

Christy notices a sign at the entrance-"Karaoke Fridays and Saturdays" and startes to fantasize about drunkenkly blasting out some good mo-town toons before an attentive crowd. See Christy has been waiting her whole life to let loose her inner diva... Anyone from Christy's Highschool/college days knows about Christy's unexplained fascination and untamed desire to partake in the activity although she had never put her money where her mouth was. Christy is still not getting the very obvious message that Karaoke is what the evening is about.

At this point, the bar contains a handful geriatric, drunkards that are talking too loudly to each other from across the bar. After a round of drinks we begin to wondering why we were here. Then the lights dim and colorful stage lights shine down from the ceiling. The geriatric crowd leaves except for a man who becomes known simply as Steve. Middle aged couples enter the bar and (gasp) a Karaoke DJ begins to set up!

OMG, Christy realizes that they were here to Karaoke! No one is bold enough to make the first move despite the DJ's desperate prodding. Finally old Steve begins with two very off-key depressing love songs before mentioning that he is a single virgin- a very single virgin. He then decides to buy everyone a round of drinks on him.

This is where BF becomes Christy's #1 all time favorite person on the planet. After perusing and laughing at the song stock, our group is still too embarrassed to actually sing. BF finally grabs his friend, heads for the stage and together they belt out Backstreet Boys, "I Want It That Way".

Christy and friend cannot be beat out- they follow this lovely, loud, (ahem) unique BSB remix with "I Will Survive". Fireworks explode, the mic melts in Christy's hand, her voice quivers as a nearly 22 year-old fantasy has come true.

The night was awesome and unforgettable. BF is officially the "best ever" for deliberately planning this surprise evening- which was not lacking in highlights.

The Highlights
Before calling it a night, a friend in our group did the most impressive rendition of "Sweet Caroline" (with hand motions) that had the entire bar clapping mid-song. Christy ran up and joined in the middle of the DJ's performance of the country song "chatahootchie" -- succeeding in making a complete fool of herself while singing hideously off-key. Christy and friend got jiggy on the dance floor with lonely man Steve. A man self named "Super Dave" wearing a loud cowboy hat, leather vest, and "got karaoke?" shirt amused the crowd with two potentially lethal songs.

(photos coming soon!)

Take your sorry and shove it

"Sorry" is a completely worthless word. Besides paying lip service, saying "I'm sorry" does nothing. It can't repair a broken ego, it cannot heal a lost trust, it cannot restore physical decency and it cannot fix an unbearably hideous highlighting job.

I was fascinated as he delicately covered my hair in cold foil after brushing bleach on thin layers. I was amused as he stuck me in the corner propping my head under a globe-like hair heater. I was worried when he didn't come back after ten minutes like he promised....

The bastard said, "I'm sorry" as he washed my hair in his little sink.

Moral of the story: never let a man whose head is tinted a bright blue highlight your hair.....

Now I'm off in search of:

-A brown paper bag
-An "office-place appropriate" hat
-A head shaver (I could say I donated to "locks of love" then people would "ahhh" instead of "ugh!")
-A plane ticket to India wear I can wear a head scarf everyday
-A time machine so I can erase the thought "what the hell, I'll be spontaneous- it's good for me"

or most likely, a hair salon where they charge you more than 35 dollars and aren't located in a mall across from "Mrs. Field's Cookies" and the "As Seen On TV" store.

Sand Mongols

Fact: biker gangs are among the most feared and violent underworld players.

I introduce you to the "Sand Mongols", the West Coast's newest, most fearsome, and down-right-dirty mischief makers. This empire of mayhem dominates Western Washington's endless coastline and can be seen rampaging freely across miles of sand.


It only took three sand-in-the face wipe outs for me to get the hang of my new V.O.D., or Vehicle of Death. I found that this danger scooter was surprisingly less heavy than I thought as its mega pound body crushed my shin-bone into the ground, ripping off a piece of nickel-sized flesh as it bruised 30 percent of my leg. Ok, I exaggerate slightly-- but it's a well deserved, initiating war-wound nonetheless.


Being a Sand Mongol is......Almost as much fun as getting the back tires of your Ford Aerostar stuck under feet of sand until your guardian angel in the body of a middle-aged man with an SUV full of kids whips a rope tow out of his back pocket offering his service....

Below: this variety of Sand Mongol feeds off a diet of hot dogs and caramel macchiatos

anxious

I have the sudden urge to:

make, build, construct, conjure, create something new

paint, sculpt, design, author something of my own

establish, organize, invent what's never been before.

Position Available

Currenly accepting applications for Moose-keteer number 3. All applicants must have two years experience in a related field as well as a passion for Alaskan mammals.

So ya wanna go back?

Above: nasty alumni art always finds its way back to campus...whats with the guy in the top left corner with a brown patch of chest hair? I am proudly wielding a souvenier that I "found".

The game: Law School Orientation

Directions for play: an over-priced private law school takes $120K from you over the course of three years and attempts to make you feel good about this socially-accepted and highly-encouraged form of intstitutional robbery through various tactics.

A) Introducing Law School Dean, Mrs. Brown-Noser- "Congratulations! You have all proved your brilliance in the fact that you are here today as admitted students. Bravo intelligensia extraordinaire!"

B) Be Grateful You're Not One Of Them!- "Hey, you're lucky to have even gotten accepted. We received THOUSANDS of applications this year- you have the selective honor of being one of our students."

C) Look At All You Get- "It is common for students to experience numberous situations in which they encounter free pizza on campus. In fact, there is free food in the hall right now!"

D) We Love You, We Really Do- "Faculty are available anytime to answer your questions. This is a nurturing environment where we really care about you as a whole being. In return for your money we will give you parental love and pretend to care about you."

E) $$$- "Go find some private loans, a relative with deep pockets, and shutup".

The real reason to shell out your soul in order to attend law school: the pretty campus. I went on a quick, self-guided tour. I clearly did not get past the St. Ignatius Chapel:

Top Ten Most Wanted

The much anticipated fantasy "to do" list is here. The following were selected with much thought and deliberation on the part of the celebrity selection panel: me. My criteria was of course, looks, but there is an invisible element of peronality that enhances many of the finalists' rating.

First, I have to give props to the two runners up: Nicholas Cage and Ashton Kutcher. At times I think these two are very cute- but they lack consistency and do not make the all-time top ten list.

Ok, here goes.

#10: Ryan Seacrest

He's a little too much of your mainstream hunk for me- but I couldn't overlook him.

#9: Will Smith- its the bad-boy image....


#8: Toby "Spidey" Maguire
Any man who makes being a nerd cool (and sexy) shall be worshiped.


#7: George Clooney
How can any top ten list NOT have George? Yes it IS possible, he makes the name "George" sound sexy.


#6: Johnny Depp
Its not just the eyeliner. Every girl wants a drunken pirate, ARRRR.


#5: Sean Patrick Flannery
Three words: Young Indiana Jones- I think that justified my choice (if not, this picture does).


#4: Russel Crowe
Crowe was basically chosen for his performance as a kilt-clad, sword yielding, self-sacrificing man with conviction, did I mention I saw Gladiator seven times in the theaters?


#3: Carson Daly
Hey, you try watching his show a couple lonely late nights in a row- you'll see what I mean.


#2: Jason Bateman
All I can say is that he's really cute. Although I have seen a number of films that included him, I only noticed him as Michael Bluth from Arrested Development- he plays the "troubled yet devoted family-man/ under dog" very well.


and my number one fantasy celebrity hook up would be.........

#1 Jack Johnson
He is a complete package: music, looks, passion for adventure, sentimental romantic.

"Lady lady love me
Cause I love to lay here lazy
We could close the curtains
Pretend like there's no world outside"

against the current

Tuesday night I felt like crap. Despite the fact that the thermostat read 70 degrees, chills consumed my body every time I left the heat of my duvet cover, or moved my body. At the same time, it felt like my brains were boiling to nothingness inside my head. If I ever thought I was close to death, it was that night (dramatic, I know...)

The past couple days I have had a persistant headache- I never get headaches- and an unshakable fatigue. Not until yesterday did I realize that dehydration was probably the cause. I have been running from 30-40 miles with one day "off" every week.

So I've been chugging nature's cure like no other for the past three day- I even went cold turkey off diect coke (uhem, for the most part). Now I have a new headache- a diet coke withdrawl headache.

I passed this sign on my drive into town and laughed at the irony.


Only I would suffer from dehydration during National Drinking Water Week.

Bremerton is beautiful

Above: Amebas in flight

Today I took a walk around the city that my organization is revitalizing. The longer I am associated with this city, the more I love it. Now I am sure of the fact that we don't just grow in places, places grow in us.

This city is off-center. It's edgy- but not in your typical "bad-ass" kinda way, it "edgy" in that it is rough around the edges. While looking to a brighter future, its runs on a plethora of bad habits, a sketchy past, and rests heavily on a pair of bowed legs-much like the reluctant western hero. But its the most likely to bring new urbanism to our county and is quickly aspiring to meet the vision of local community leaders. Plus, it just has "good bones" as my boyfriend might say about a house.

And like the blue-turned-white-but-still-blue-around-the-edges collar city that it is, it does not lack in character.

Pictures from my walk:

Today I met little Luka, resident since birth

Signs of change are everywhere

Bathroom Deco

Crush into me

Last night my boyfriend suggested that we each create a fantasy "to do" list comprised of famous people we could hook up with if we had the opportunity. He suggested that it would be fun- or was that "funny"?

My first internal thought was, "oh shit, I have to fess up to all the weird crushes I have had over the years". In the past, these crushes have been an assortment of oddities: old men (Harrison Ford), country hicks (Mark Wills), hairy midgets (Samwise Gamgee- he's so loyal!), and mutants (Raphael the Ninja Turtle- hey, his attitude is sexy ok!?). I think my taste has grown a little, I hope....

I am interested in evaluating my current famous crushes and even more interested in seeing what kind of list my boyfriend conjures up- cut to an image of Storm from X-men, didn't all guys want her?

You are what you lean on

I love my iPod Shuffle. I wouldn't trade my old trusty shuffle for shiniest nano Apple ever made. For anyone who is indecisive, lusts after spontaneity and is still easy to please, the Shuffle is the gadget invented for you.

Its like listening to a radio station that doesn't play commercials but plays all and only your favorite songs. I don't need a library of 500 songs at any one time to achieve material happiness, 80 will do just fine.

If you are a runner, the Shuffle is your ideal companion- you don't have to worry about keeping up with it and you don't have to worry about holding "cardio-conversations" during your work out. Plus, it doesn't make you feel guilty if you decide to walk for a bit and you don't have to worry about pushing buttons or selecting songs. Just push play and run. A perfect listening experience is yours, all at the push of one thumb.

During my run today I was listening to Shine and I hear Trey Anastasio belt out the lyrics "You are what you lean on". The more I thought about these words, the less I knew how to interpret it. Two options:

1) The things you lean on become your crutches- they consume your identity because you begin to rely so heavily on these crutches to function. In other words, your weaknesses become an integral part of who you are.

2) The things you lean on are your strengths- they hold you up and give you the ability or the drive to be successul. So, you are the very things that prop you up and make you strong.

Yes the two interpretations are night and day and this makes the words so much more powerful. This reminds me that much of art is what the audience brings to it. Art is a medium that reflects our own selves. Our thoughts, opinions, feelings, personalities, and the state of our mentality are all reflected in different forms of art through our personal interpretations.

To provide more proof for that statement, consider these other fine lyrics from the Kings of Crunk, Lil' Jon and the Eastside Boyz:

"3,6,9 damn your fine
move it till you sock it to me one mo' time
Get low, Get low
To the window, to the wall,
Till the sweat drip down my balls, to all these bi***es crawl

Shortie crunk, so fresh so clean
can she f*** that question been harassing me
in the mind this bi*** is fine
I done came to the club about 50th 11 times now
can I play with yo pantyline?..."

trust me, it gets much better

A Clash of Cultures

Harvey Birdman wrote an excellent post that touches on a topic I am very passionate about- Muslim society and culture. Harvey writes about Osama Bin Ladin's "jihad" against Western Culture. Harvey talks about the great misconception of Islam within our society. He specifically outlines how religious factions interpret their holy books so literally that they end up falling away from their own religion. Harvey remarks that "Osama Bin Ladin and his movement are lacking culture" because of their fanaticism.

I agree with much of what Harvey says- either Osama is twisting his religion to support personal motives or he believes that he is following his faith with utmost purity. The problem with purity- it usually means a "cleansing" of those considered "unpure" ( a completely separate topic of my favorite book "Shame" by Salman Rushdie).

The following was my reply (I hope my Muslim friends will correct me if they disagree):

Christy said...
As someone who graduated with a Political Science and International Studies major- I really appreciated this post. It is so important in a world where cultures come into contact more often that we understand each other and the reason behind others' actions.

Osama Bin Ladin does deviate from Muslim teaching in his "jihad". He is not at all supported by main stream Islam. Yet, his actions are rational- he is deliberately reacting against something that he feels is a threat- Western Culture. He feels (even if wrongly so) that our culture is unraveling Muslim values. There are plenty of Muslims who agree, to some extent, but they would never condone his terrorism.

Today Muslims face a huge rift as American culture is exported across the globe. Many believe in a cultural reform that would embrace Western democracy while many others feel Western democracy contradicts the traditions and laws laid out by Allah.

Excessories for your life

Today is my little bro's birthday. Joey is eight years old! He was tiny when he was born-- he was an entire month early. Because of this, Joe had jaundice and had to be kept wrapped in a glowing blanket-like incubator for his first couple weeks at home. He affectionately earned the name "Glowey Joey".

Now he is tall, crazy and 100 percent your typical boy. I caught him with his pants down playing video games:

What can I say, he's a time manager who knows how to juggle fun with duty.

On a separate note: I was in my favorite store today (Target!) when I overheard the following conversation in the dressing room:

Girl 1: Tell the truth, does this make me look, uh......big?
Girl 2: (without a pause) Yes.
Girl 1: I knew it! It's the straight shape. It makes my butt look huge.
Girl 2: Girl, you KNOW you have a HUGE ass- don't be blaming it on these.
Girl 1: You're gonna depress me right into eating a third donut.

Let's face it, no happy conversation ever followed that first sentence. I mean, if you have to ask...

Another entirely unrelated topic (this is a very disjointed blog entry- is "disjointled" a word?):

Every morning on my way to work I listen to the 92.5 Mix Morning Show. It's there as sure as the sun rises and as sure as I will spill something on my pants before I get to the office. I tune in to Mitch, Amy, and John religiously. I have the morning show routine down pat.

I know that Mitch will do his "nutty news" and Amy will do her "celebrity gossip" then right before eight they will choose caller nine to play "Truth or I don't think so". Oh and don't forget the famous "Monday Morning Confessions".

This morning I woke up to find that the Mix Morning Show is no more! Not only that but Mix 92.5 had been replaced overnight by Moving 92.5- (lame!). No warning, no announcement, its as if Mix never even existed!

You would think that out of everything that's inconsistent in life, we would be able to depend on our radio stations. I don't generally believe in conspiracies but I KNOW Amy wouldn't leave me alone in the world not knowing (gasp) who got kicked off American Idol! Could this be my boss' ploy to make me listen to NPR?

Where did my Mix Morning Show go?? Something fishy is going on!